The TARDIS Scanner
by Ace of Gallifrey
Summary: Here's the thing: the Whoniverse spawns plot bunnies like no other. Here are the majority of mine.  Pairings both cracky and familiar, twists on favorite episodes, random meetings and things we never saw. Currently up: random 11/II piece.
1. A Ramshackle Bus

**Title-** A Ramshackle Bus  
**Characters/Pairings-** Many and various  
**Rating-** K+  
**Summary-** They're an odd company on their ramshackle bus. Personalities conflict, and sometimes things happen that are just downright strange. But in the end, they're all they've got anymore.

**A/N-** A series of short, semi-connected oneshots revolving around what Lady Christina _did_ with that busted-up flying bus of hers after she bid farewell to the Doctor, and all the people she's picked up along the way.

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One: Power Struggle

They're an odd company, on this ramshackle bus. In a way, they're a family. Those people who find their lives changed irrevocably by the Doctor, that magic man in his extraordinary blue box, but never get the chance to step inside and fly away to the stars... well, what are they left with? A memory of a few fantastic, horrifying, beautiful days and then what? Just the rest of their life stretching ahead, blank and ordinary. Anyone who can't deal with that comes to the bus eventually. The Doctor's Army, they call themselves, and they fly around the world searching for adventure the way they can't search the stars. They've even done some pretty good deeds here and there.

It is made very clear from the moment one sets foot on this magic bus that Lady Christina de Souza- aristocrat, cat burglar extraordinaire and, most importantly, the designated driver- is unequivocally in charge. Those who disagree don't end up staying long.

But this very clear balance of power is viciously upset the day Sally Sparrow comes on board.

Sally doesn't talk much about her past. She knows the Doctor, though, and that's good enough for the rest of the Army. Elton Pope is the one who eventually gets the story out of her, but she told him in confidence, so he's not talking. It's generally known, however, that she has suffered great losses.

From day one, Sally and Christina clash; they're both such powerful, conflicting personalities. Sally, with her quiet strength and eyes that have seen too much for how young she is, and the brash, rules-are-for-the-breaking Christina... it's unsurprising that from the very minute Sally appears, they can't get along.

Christina happily defies laws and, Pied Piper-like, leads them all through a series of insane daredevil stunts just for the fun of it.

And one day, after Christina drives the bus off the edge of the Grand Canyon just to see if the gravity clamps will catch them before they hit the ground, Sally apparently has enough.

"That is _enough_!" she shrieks at Christina. "You might be an adrenaline junkie, but that doesn't mean the rest of us enjoy it! Some of these people are here because they have nowhere else to go and no one else who will ever understand what they've been through and you want to turn it all into one big _thrill ride_! Well, I'm not standing for it! You practically dissolved poor Astrid with the air resistance coming down! This. Behavior. Stops. Now."

Christina just smirks. "What are you going to do, throw me out of the bus? Sorry sweetheart, but I _own_ the bus."

"Oh, and isn't that just like the aristocracy?" Sally sneers. "Thinkin' your title makes you lord and master of all you survey. I hate to break it to you, _sweetheart_, but last time I checked, this was a city bus. Meaning public. Meaning owned by everyone. Meaning we all get a say in whether your insane stunts continue, and I'm saying _no_."

It seems she's touched a nerve, because Christina's eyes flash. "You want to make something of this?" she says, standing up to her full height, towering a good three inches above Sally.

But the blonde isn't intimidated. In a low, deadly voice, she says, "I have stood inside the Doctor's ship. I have singlehandedly fought four of the oldest and most dangerous creatures in the universe. I have lost everyone and everything that ever mattered to me and I. Am not. Afraid. Of you."

Even Christina feels the truth in the smaller woman's words. The whole bus can see the strength in Sally Sparrow's soul, and there's a shift in alliances palpable in the air.

And so Christina does what any modern playgirl would. She kisses Sally passionately, then relinquishes the stunned bibliophile and smirks at her. "Come on then, Sparrow," she says with a huge grin on her face. "Let's see how you drive!"


	2. Taxi Service

**A/N-** As you may have gathered from the first chapter, I had started a series planned around (the annoying) Lady C's bus crew, but when I realized the idea was going nowhere, I just expanded it to fit into the mold of "any people, any plot, any genre, anywhere." Enjoy!

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**Taxi Service**

She discovers quickly that she was right- she's not in Croyden at all. Aberdeen, of all places, is where that bumbling, wonderful idiot dropped her off. At first she's miffed. After due consideration, however, she decides to wait for him. After all, he has a time machine as she knows all too well. He could fly off to Gallifrey and be back in an hour. Or less, if he's having a good steering day. He promised he would come back. He promised.

She sits down on the brick wall and she waits. She is terrified of leaving, except to sprint down the street to the little cafe to use the restroom, in case he comes back and finds her gone.

Two days go by, and her stomach is complaining from the minimal diet, before she finally accepts that he isn't coming back. So she does what any sensible London girl would do.

She finds a payphone.

Harry picks up on the fourth ring.

"H-Harry? It's Sarah Jane. I-I-"

She swallows hard, because hearing his familiar voice brings the memories of a time now quite suddenly gone, and she is _not_ going to break down on the phone.

"Sarah? What is it? What's happened?"

"He had to leave," she says. "He had to go back to Gallifrey, and I couldn't come."

Harry clicks his tongue. "Bad show, Doctor!" he exclaims.

"No, Harry, it's not... I..." She doesn't know what to say. She's angry at the Doctor, but she doesn't _blame_ him, if that makes any sense. She settles for explaining why she called. "He seems to have gotten it a bit wrong again. I'm in Aberdeen, and I haven't got the money for a taxi. I was wondering if... well, if you had the time to..."

"Oh Sarah, of course!"

A few hours later, he is there. He is not the Doctor, but he is warm and safe and familiar and comforting and he holds her as she squeezes him tightly and cries on his shoulder. When it starts to rain, he hurries into the car, but doesn't make the opportunity to drive off, so that she can talk about it if she wants to. And she want to, so she does. She talks and lets the whole tale spill out, and when she's done, she feels marginally better.

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"Harry Sullivan is an imbecile!" ...but we love him anyway. =)  
Reviews are a courtesy that we writers really appreciate.


	3. Untitled Nyssa Drabble

**A/N-** On a Nyssa kick right now... Nyssa is good for drabbles.

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_"The Master killed my step-mother, and then my father, and now the world that I grew up in, blotted out forever."  
-Nyssa, "Logopolis"_

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For twelve years she lives and works on Terminus, pouring her soul into building the erstwhile plague-ship up. She watches as the sad derelict grows strong, and becomes a destination not only for those suffering from Lazar's, but from many complex and supposedly untreatable diseases. And she gives her own life, the very best years, to make it happen.

One day, _he_ comes. She knows it's him, though he no longer wears her father's face. He has managed to become infected by one of the few illnesses that really affects a Time Lord, and this is the only place where he has any hope of a cure. The Master, the man who took her world and all that was good and familiar and tore it down, piece by piece, has come to Terminus, begging for her help.

And Nyssa of Traken cares for him.


	4. Helping Hand

**A/N-** This is... um... I don't know what this is. But I do know that I'm obviously on a Team Fivey kick! And that this makes more sense if you're familiar with the events of The Boy That Time Forgot.

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**4. Helping Hand**

_Now I'll never know if I was right..._

He chokes on his stubborn, arrogant pride. The Doctor will never be able to make it in to save him in time. He's going to die, here and now.

All at once, the bridge resonates with a bang and he's momentarily blinded by a whirl of colours that resembles the Vortex through which the TARDIS travels.

A young woman astride a motorbike, eyes obscured by dark glasses and auburn hair plaited down the back, holds out a hand to him.

"C'mon, kid," she says, glancing at the watch on her wrist. "We got a time eddy hittin' this thing in about thirty seconds so unless you wanna be stuck here for a _really_ long time, you better hop on."


	5. Like I Need A Hole In The Head

**A/N-** Because who doesn't love to torture their most hated characters once in awhile? Also a very short, very pointless one.

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**Like I Need A Hole In The Head**

Adam Mitchell lived a very, very, _VERY_ ordinary life in Enfield. He got up each morning and went to work at the plastics factory down the road. He had secured a decent job as a chemical engineer; it was nowhere near as exciting as his last position, and in fact he spent most of the time bored senseless with the simplicity of the tasks he was expected to perform, but he was eager to keep a low profile these days. When he came home at night, he would watch some telly and perhaps have a spot of whiskey, if he was feeling up for it (he had discovered since his... alteration... that his alcohol tolerance had decreased dramatically).

So yes, it was a very ordinary life. Work, sleep, and Saturday morning cartoons. Nothing special.

At all.

Ever.

Adam Mitchell was bored out of his skull. Sometimes literally.


	6. Infection

**A/N-** Have you missed me? Well, I regret to inform you that I'm not really back for good on this fandom. My inspiration's still mostly dead for DW. But this hit me in just the right way and I had to write it!

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She is the same. It has been eight years, Gallifrey Standard, since she left him for E-Space, and she accomplished much, sacrificed much. But she is the same. Gift of a Time Lady, she hasn't aged a day. Probably won't for another three or four hundred years in this body.

He, though, has changed many times. The wild hair, the bow-tie, the incessant rambling that makes her head hurt... he is different.

The worst of it is not the regeneration changes, though. Those she is perfectly equipped to deal with. It's the other things. He is not carefree anymore. Well, he never _really_ was, but he knew how to put the dark things away when it wasn't time for them. Now they are constantly present, eating at him night and day and the times when it isn't either, as well. He doesn't laugh like a child anymore. He still speaks nonsense, but the nonsense has a purpose now, always.

She misses the aimless nonsense.

He has been corrupted. Her brilliant, silly, innocent companion has been corrupted, as all men seem to be, by the harshness of life. It is an infection in his mind, dark, hot little bodies swarming around that cool eternal light he used to have and trying to burn it out.

But she will not let that happen. She is stronger than he was, and they both know this, and she is from a simpler time. She can bridge the gap and fix him.


End file.
